A Monk With Privileges

I want to write about Jacob Needleman first, but before I even do that I want to write about teachers in general. What is the role of a teacher and why do I consider it so important? Let’s be clear that I am not talking about just any teacher, because I have had plenty of boring and unhelpful ones, but the teacher with a capital “T.” I am also not talking about a guru, only because I have never had one and I can’t speak with any experiential knowledge of what that might be like. I have often wished for a guru. I have even thought I have enough of a devotional nature that a guru/disciple relationship might actually be worthwhile. No matter, it has not happened.

I have been so very fortunate to have had powerful teachers who fall somewhere in between regular teachers and gurus. These are people who have impacted my life in a very positive way and helped me take the next steps in my spiritual journey. These are the kinds of teachers I can write about because I have been blessed with many. Some, such as Needleman, were also professional teachers.

I think the role of these kinds of teachers is to inspire and encourage spiritual practice. To the extent they can model such a lifestyle it is all the better. My teachers have all been very human, with their own foibles and idiosyncrasies, but they have been attempting to live a spiritual life for a long time and have shared their own ups and downs with me in such a way that I have learned to expect a fairly bumpy ride!

Perhaps most importantly, my teachers have respected my need to go on my own journey. That is, none of them tried to force a certain method or technique on me, and each of them were open to the fact that things change over time and what works at one point may not work at another point. I cherish the respect they have showed me – and others – about the sanctity of each human’s journey, and the need to respect that unique unfolding. This is an example of why I love Integral Theory so much. Integral Life Practice is all about encouraging and inspiring practice in four core modules (and as many others as a person wants) without telling people exactly what they have to do. In other words it combines structure and openness in a way that I truly admire. For example, the physical module says that as embodied people we need to take care of our bodies, but it does not prescribe a specific diet or exercise program. It does tell us that if we neglect our body we are going to have not only basic health problems, but probably a great deal of shadow material as well.

One of the things my teachers taught me was the value of listening. Needleman was a great listener. I can still see him sitting in his living room, sort of bowing his head, as he listened very carefully to not just what was said, but to who was speaking. Morton Kelsey taught me when I was just 18 years old that the greatest gift we could give to anyone was the gift of really listening. Listening is a key to good classroom management as well. You need to be able to follow the attention and interest and drop your own agenda if you want to stay fresh and on top of it. And of course listening is essential in relationships.

I have been blessed with people in my life that taught me the value of listening by demonstrating it to me. Who would I be today if Needleman had not listened to me so much? Who would I be today without the listening ability of Olivia Byrne, Father Philip Blake, Andrew Harvey? What great gifts each of them are to me! I need to return that gift now to the people that touch my life.

Another great gift my teachers gave me was their modeling of enthusiasm. What I love about this was that it looked so different. Andrew Harvey could be over the top with passion and energy, while Needleman was much quieter and contemplative. Yet I loved and appreciated both approaches because both were sincere and authentic expressions of unique self. You don’t want people to mimic one another, but to give expression to their own gifts and insights. It is so easy to try to follow in the footsteps of someone we admire, but it is really a mockery of them to do this. The greatest honor we can give to our teachers is to bring our own gifts to the table and take what they have given us and express it in our own unique way in the world.

One of my favorite inspirations from my teachers was their love of books. You can never read enough. To just try and keep up with one of them was a bit overwhelming, let alone all of the great sages they talked about. I have a shelf of Needleman books, many of which I have begun to reread, and the same goes for Andrew Harvey, Thomas Keating, (Thomas Merton has about five shelves alone!), Ken Wilber, and all of the others. In each of these books are what seems like a million recommendations. While I am aware that I can get lost in books, I am also aware that books are a big part of my path, even if they are not for other people.

I am inspired by books and love to go deeper and deeper into different authors and traditions. I feel less defensive about all of this as I accept that this love of mine is part of my unique self. I guess what I am saying is that it has been great to be with teachers who have encouraged my love of books and ideas, even as they encouraged me to not forsake actual spiritual practice. In the process I have come to see that reading books is part (but not all!) of my spiritual practice. Communing with the great ideas of the world is like food for me. I need it to survive and thrive.

I can’t be positive, but my first impression of Jacob Needleman was two or three years before I actually knew who he was or took a class from him. I needed a signature from the chair of the philosophy department and I had to knock on his door and I remember a classic looking “tired intellectual” looking guy smoking a cigarette asked me a few questions and then signed my form.

Several years later, in August 1992, I was on my second Thomas Keating retreat when someone on the retreat who found out I was going to San Francisco State asked me about Jacob Needleman and I replied that I didn’t know who he was. They were astounded and said I must be sure to take his classes and or I was totally blowing it. They said one of his books, Lost Christianity, was in the retreat house bookstore, which I think I then bought and looked over, although I did not read it right away. I later found out that the main reason I did not know who he was, was because I had been going to night school for years and Needleman did not teach at night. Anyway, that fall I took three of his classes, including a small seminar class.

I immediately liked him when he walked into the room. He was probably in his late 50’s then, with longish white hair and on the plump side, with a kind and wise looking face. He looks like a philosopher should look like, in my very biased opinion! While I can’t recall tons of details and all of the classes blur together, I do remember being excited and moved by each class. Needleman made the power of ideas come alive and he was able to get great discussions going that I wanted to participate in. He was simply the greatest teacher I had known and is probably still my overall favorite and the one I would most like to be like, even as I recognize the need to be my self and find my own style.

But if that had been all then there might not be much to write about. What really stands out was his ability to reach out to people like me and show that he cared. I try to remember this today in my own classes – that just some brief words, some interest, showing some interest makes a big impression on students just as it did on me. I remember, for example, near the end of the semester, that he asked to speak with me at the end of class. I was immediately worried that I was in trouble for something – perhaps my papers were sounding too much the same as Needleman’s classes overlapped and so did my interests. When we met afterward, he simply asked me what I was going to do when I graduated (this was my last semester and I would be leaving SF State). He even suggested that I might be able to help him with his own work and research. I was flattered and moved and said I would love to stay connected somehow. This reaching out changed my life, and led to five years in the Gurdjieff Work and remaining under Needleman’s spiritual influence.

What did I especially like about Needleman? There were a number of things. He had really good energy. He had a real presence; at least that is how it felt to me. In this way, I felt that I could see what the potential of a human could be. Needleman gave me hope that I could practice and eventually be more present in my life and to others as well. Needleman had a great sense of humor. This is true of all the teachers I admire. He had a way of putting things that was deep and funny at the same time. This is a trait I greatly admire because it is important that I never take myself too seriously again.

Perhaps one of the things I remember most about Needleman was the quality of his listening. While I don’t remember the details vividly, once when I was very depressed I called him wanting to seek his aid and I felt put off by him as he didn’t want to meet at his house (which I had come to expect), but at school. I was upset and I don’t remember what I said but it seemed to annoy him and the call ended rather abruptly. I wish I could recall what was said and then I would have a better understanding of what happened, but it is foggy. But I remember getting off the phone and being kind of weirded out and really bummed asking myself if I had just ruined my chance of having a relationship with him.

I was still in a state of relative shock and wondering what the hell had happened when within about 10 minutes he called me back and we made new arrangements. This might have even been the call that led to the conversation about my needing to basically shit or get off the pot. But either way, the critical thing is that this important and busy man bothered to call me back. It was a real moment where I saw Needleman’s humility and another example of where I felt heard. He reached out and this is one simple example of what a remarkable teacher and mentor he was.

I regret that I lost touch with Needleman for so many years, but I am pleased to have finally reconnected. In honor of him I am looking forward to introducing him to many friends and the local community. The Integral Sangha of Monterey Bay in association with the Unitarian Church of Monterey Peninsula’s Adult Life Enrichment committee will be presenting a two-day event, February 3rd and 4th, 2012. For details please e-mail me and/or visit: www.integralsanghaofmontereybay.com Don’t miss this amazing opportunity to meet and listen Jacob Needleman!

REGISTRATION INFORMATION

Pre-registration: Suggested minimum donation: Friday only, $20.00, Saturday only $85.00

Friday-Saturday package $90.

At the door: Friday $25.00, Saturday $100.00.

Pre-register before February 1, 2012 for both and save $35.00.

Send your check, payable to UUCMP, with your name, address, e-mail, and

“ALE/Andrew Harvey” on the memo line to:

UUCMP, 490 Aguajito Road, Carmel, CA 93923.

For more information and/or a scholarship request, contact John Provost, 831-402-7374

I am happy to announce that late in 2011, my friend Marianne Rowe and myself founded the Integral Sangha of Monterey Bay. We have lots of ideas and plans and it will take time to see where it all goes. But the initial purpose of this organization is to have right here in Monterey, where we live and work, Integral events that we normally would have to travel out of town to attend. We wanted some regular events, such as Satsang, which has already started. We also wanted regular events that would enhance the skills of each person attending to enter more deeply into conscious relationships. Thus Authentic Relating Games are beginning in January. Finally we wanted some special events, and our first one will be on February 3rd and 4th with Jacob Needleman. The next one will be on March 30th and 31st with Andrew Harvey. Please see our web page for details: www.integralsanghaofmontereybay.com and sign up for that e-mail list to stay informed about upcoming activities you might want to be involved in.

One personal reason I wanted this organization is that I recognize the need for support if I am to grow and heal as a human being and reach whatever potential is possible to me. My life is dedicated to the growth of my own consciousness and the consciousness of the world. A sangha that supports such an aim is part of this process. But it does beg the larger question: What does it mean to evolve consciously?

What is Integral evolution? This is a question that we are actively exploring in the Integral Sangha of Monterey Bay. Evolution seems to be the way the universe expresses itself. Beginning at least with the Big Bang, and driving forward toward planets, material reality, life, intelligence, and consciousness the universe seems to be a creative and dynamic explosion of creativity. Intellectually this creativity is experienced as profound wisdom and intelligence. Emotionally this creativity is experienced as love and compassion. Physically this creativity is experienced as an immense, powerful, and joyful vibration of energy. We can feel it in our bodies and we can notice it in the world around us.

While we can know that the universe chooses to express itself in the creativity known as evolution, the actual mechanism of this evolution is mostly still in the realm of mystery. We can honor this mystery while at the same time opening ourselves to some of the processes and work that transformative studies have shown help us evolve our own consciousness. Some of these processes are known in the Integral world as shadow practices, spiritual practices, physical practices and intellectual practices. When you put them all together you have an Integral Life Practice. I have had such a practice for many years now and I have found it to be the single greatest contribution to my growth and healing. There is still mystery because I do not understand why it works or even when it works. That is, there are times of seemingly rapid progress and other times when I seem to be going backwards! But overall I seem more likely to grow and evolve if I do certain things, and much less likely to grow in consciousness when I ignore these practices.

This has taught me to search for an ongoing balance between grace and grit. I must do my part while letting go into the realization that I am not in control. I am learning to trust that forces much bigger than “me” are working out their own agendas in ways that I am unconscious of currently. It can be trusted because these agendas, or perhaps it is just one agenda and one force (usually known as God), move all of us toward greater opening: love, wisdom and compassion. This seems to be the goal and in a paradoxical way it is also the journey. We arrive at Love by means of love!

Perhaps one of the more exciting propositions of Integral philosophy is that while evolution has been “unconscious” for billions of years, it is now becoming conscious of itself in the awakening consciousness of humanity (at least in our corner of the universe). And the exciting part about this is that evolution seems to be becoming a cooperative adventure. This means that instead of just being carried along for the ride, each individual who chooses to participate may be a co-creative force with the Divine process working itself out in nature. This is exciting to me because our planet is in dire straights these days and humanity needs to take some responsibility for not fighting the evolutionary process, but instead cooperating with it.

So how do we cooperate? We cooperate by embracing and working with Integral evolutionary principles that are being articulated in different traditions, and in different ways, all over the world, in an amazing outburst of the evolutionary impulse itself. But I have come to see two overarching constructs that make tons of sense to me and some of my fellow travelers. One is that we need to embrace an Integral Life Practice. How we do so is entirely up to us, but that we need a somewhat structured and intentional effort to harmonize the body, the emotions, the mind and the spirit seems to be built into the laws of evolution, as far as I can make out. Second, we need to embrace the growing understanding of the importance of conscious relationship. Conscious relationship is about cultivating the “We” space of the lower quadrants in Ken Wilber’s articulation of Integral Philosophy. It is allowing the ego to back away enough that two or more people can allow what is greater than any one individual to emerge in an intentional way of both letting go and letting be at the same time.

We can learn to use the ups and downs of learning to love and forgive in such a way that we practice opening rather than constricting when difficulties arise. We see relationships as a force for growth not in the usual way, but in an intentional way. We make it our aim to not “win” and be “right,” but to simply and beautifully awaken. Relationships put us up against our illusions and delusions. They challenge us to let go and trust that process.

It seems to me that if we embrace conscious relationship practices as well as an Integral Life Practice, we are more likely to be cooperative participants in the evolution of consciousness, both individually and collectively. We are still not in control – that is one of the greater illusions! – but we are in alignment with the energy of creativity and the Kosmos itself. One famous Zen teaching is that Enlightenment is an accident. We can’t force it or manipulate it into existence. That is just more of the ego’s games. But there are things we can do to become more accident-prone! We can’t force a plant to grow, but we can water it and give it sunlight. Integral evolutionary principles are ways of learning to do what we can – water the plant – while letting Divine Love have its way with us.

Harvesting the Learning and Taking it Home

On the last full day of the conference I listened to Miriam Martineau and John Gruber start to tie things together for us. They stressed that we need to place our work and ourselves in an evolutionary context. One way to do this is to use awareness practices such as Inquiry. Who am I? There is no need to answer this question. The goal is to let the question deepen. The practice is to live in constant inquiry: where am I coming from? We want to engage the outside world with the depth we find inside. We bring this depth to the world rather than waiting for the world to bring it to us – and thus we evoke depth and inquiry in others.

We need the courage to be ourselves and live with authenticity. We need to seek the relational level of teaching, because this is where learning and growth really take place. We need to work on connecting with our students. We have to remember to keep it simple! It is so easy to over-complicate things, especially when you love ideas. But Integral education can be as simple as it can be complex. One needs to make the effort to be present and to keep opening to the moment. It is this presence that will facilitate everything else!

Miriam and John also encouraged us to remember to avoid putting people into boxes. No one likes that, and it is a way to break off the connections we are trying to foster. Thus this points to the importance of remembering to practice holding multiple perspectives. We don’t want to get locked into one perspective on things or situations or people. We need to become comfortable with paradox, and in this way offer people the support as well as the challenges that will serve them best.

One example given was an exercise done in pairs. The idea was to just gaze at someone with a willingness to see his or her perfection. That is, we wanted to rest in that place of the always already perfection. We want to see people in their wholeness. Then we did the gazing again, trying to open to the person’s struggles and pains and scars and suffering. The goal was to open to all that they have been through and survived. Here we practiced seeing them as a part, as a becoming rather than as a being. When we see people this way, our heart opens and we see how people need our compassion and service. And of course, the real practice is to somehow hold both visions together. People are perfect and people need a lot of work! The Integral way is to hold both perspectives at the same time.

Miriam and John also emphasized the need to take responsibility for ourselves and to stop playing victim. This has been a goal of mine for some time now. I don’t want to be a victim of other people (who does?), but more importantly, I don’t want to be a victim of my own feelings and thoughts. I become this victim when I become attached – identified – with what is going on in my interiors. Rather than becoming identified, I must seek to bring awareness and spaciousness to whatever is arising.

We get to choose our attitudes. In many ways, this ancient idea (stoicism is one example) reminds us that our greatest freedom is not on the outside where life is not really in our control, but in the growth of our consciousness, where we can begin to choose how we will respond to what life offers up. This is, of course, another lifetime practice, but it is important to keep making efforts in this direction.

It is possible to connect with our deeper self in even the worst situations. It is true that most people let things get them down, but we have examples where people also became saints and sages in prison and concentration camps, as refugees and as receivers of great violence. If such people can arise when the situation is so grim, then there is no reason we should not make every effort in our capacity as Integral educators.

Miriam and John reminded us to not take ourselves so seriously (!) and to remember the importance of humor. They encouraged us “to remember the vision, but to enjoy the journey, even its disappointments and problems.” We need to “do the work” of growing and changing ourselves, learning to love and forgive and give birth to compassion in this world. When we do so, we give others hope in their own possibilities. If we talk about it but don’t walk the talk, then we actually increase the skepticism and cynicism that so many people give into.

Living and Serving from an Awakened Integral Perspective

Claire Zammit and Craig Hamilton gave the final presentation that I took decent notes on. It was also a closing conference session, helping us tie things together. The real purpose was around the idea of embodying the insights I had gained and living them out in the opportunities that arise in my life. Where had the biggest shift occurred in me? I left this conference feeling more empowered to show up in my life and in my role as an educator – to face my fears and challenges. I definitely have a renewed interest in giving birth to my values and bringing more of the Integral perspective to my life and work.

Some questions were very personal such as giving an “I am” statement from my deepest self. I felt as though I could rest in the love that surrounds us all, and from that place feel deeply that I am loved and worthy of serving the evolutionary impulse. What was my new perspective on others? I felt as though I could sense the need other people have that I show up in my own life and serve this greater purpose. I often back away from the feedback I receive from students, but I left this conference wondering how I can step into it.

What are the new possibilities for my life? I had a strong sense that life can be embraced in its wholeness. I can let go of my fear because Love has my back! What might be new ways of showing up? Working through shadow issues gives me more freedom to let go of my need for approval so that I am free to be myself and speak my truth. As I accept myself more fully, I become freer to accept and love others. I can take responsibility for supporting growth and evolution in my own life and in the lives of those who enter my life.

We were also reminded that there is always going to be resistance to any changes I want to make. I should expect this resistance; even welcome it as part of the process. Thus I can smile at it (as Thich Nhat Hanh would advise!). I can learn to laugh and play with the resistance and not take it so seriously, thus making room for attachment and identification to drop away.

We need to remember that to find a new way of being does not mean I will know what that looks like. Thus fear can arise; thus the challenge. We need to walk through the fear, learning to trust the evolutionary impulse. When we come up against the resistance and the fears, we need to keep practicing and keep choosing evolution. To do this it helps to have a community, because whenever we grow we come up against the social constructs of our times. Integral is the new emergent and thus it will provoke many and seem like nonsense to the rest. But we will not get frustrated by that if we have community and support.

Concluding Reflections

Writing this essay has helped me see that I learned far more than I thought I had! I arrived at the conference out of breath from summer school and not quite finished with some things that needed to be done. As a result it took some time to “land,” and I was not in the best place to be open and to receive. Also, many of these exercises are hard for me to get involved in. I am introverted and it takes me some time to warm up to people even when I am feeling great. Nevertheless, each day things got better and I have been richly rewarded.

I have studied Integral theory for more than 17 years now, and it is exciting to see how this “map of reality” is really starting to infiltrate various realms of life such as education and ecology (the themes of this conference). I also like the fact that is not some new dogmatic system that one must give adherence to, but simply a way of organizing and informing all the best of what we know about education.

If it is not broke we don’t need to fix it. If something is working we can keep it. But we also have to be willing to explore new possibilities and better ways of doing things. Clearly education is really struggling. Here in California it really seems to be falling apart. Many old models are still being enforced (such as an agricultural schedule and so much testing) when it seems clear that this is not the best way to go about things. We need to keep learning and come up with systems that can change and adapt quickly, rather than through the slow and ponderous process we have now with large bureaucracies.

I would love to work for an Integral school. In the meantime, I need to work within the system I find myself in while making the positive changes I can to foster the education of my students in a way that meets their needs, and hopefully inspire some to take on the task of awakening to their own greatest potential. I can do this best by continuing to immerse myself in the Integral world, trying to serve the evolutionary impulse in myself and by trying to form a community.

In the meantime, I do not have to carry the weight of the Integral future on my shoulders. I can enjoy the ride and simply watch things unfold in their own time and in their own way. I can serve the evolutionary impulse, but I can also simply watch it arise as the always already perfection that each moment is.

More Presentations

The next presentation was by Sean Esbjorn-Hargens. For some reason I did not take down many notes, which I now regret. But it was a great conference. I had met with Sean a few years ago at JFK University, but nothing came of this visit. But I have been following his work; he is becoming a very prolific author and editor in the Integral world. As a result I was curious to see how he would teach.

Sean took us through a wonderful meditation, bringing in all our five senses and bringing us into a state of deep gratitude. From there he went on to discuss his understanding of the 1-2-3 of teaching. Most teaching is focused on third person engagement. The teacher gives information. But an Integral teacher needs to engage on the first person and second person levels as well. Sean said that lack of motivation with students is often the result of a lack of first or second person contact. This makes a lot of sense to me.

I have been trying to develop ways to connect with students, and now I am inspired to keep moving in this direction. One of the things I am doing is expecting students to connect with me online if they are not comfortable speaking in class. This allows students to interact with me in a variety of ways, and so hopefully less people get left out. I know that some of my best classes as a student have been with teachers that I have been able to have a relationship with on some level. It is important for students to know that an instructor cares about how they are feeling and is interested in what they are learning.

The next conference I went to was by a woman named Willow Dea. I also had a meal with her one day to discuss ILP groups. I really liked her a lot and loved her energy concerning all things Integral. Her conference was mainly about a school in Austin, Texas, the Khabele School. This school is moving closer to an Integral model with the Principal for the school (and the founder, too, I believe) also at this conference. Willow stressed: “If you create the right environment then everything seems to take care of itself.” This makes a lot of sense to me. You cannot make a plant grow by pulling on it. But if you give it the right conditions of sunshine and water then the plant grows just fine on its own.

So the question is “how do I create the right environment for Integral learning in my classes?” In my case, it mostly comes down to the feeling I can create. Because I am only on campus two days per week and do not have my own classroom that I can set up and decorate the way I want to, I miss out on some of the opportunities to create something special. So it mostly comes down to whether I can model Integral thinking and create a safe and open atmosphere for students to engage with me as well as one another. It also comes down to passion. Students will be more interested in ideas if they are presented with love and energy.

Due to the nature of my classroom set up and how often I see students, this area of creating “the right environment” is going to take some work on my part to figure out. So I need to keep exploring here and be open to trying new things. This will be one of my cutting edges!

That evening (August 6th) I went to my final presentation for the day.

Educators as Healers

Deb Zucker gave this conference. I really enjoyed this presentation and learned a great deal. What makes an educator vital and Integral? “Our own state of being has the potential to shift the consciousness, receptivity, and engagement of others.” What makes for vital students? One thing we can bring to our students is to educate with the intention to be of service to their own healing and transformation. I know that I see eyes light up when I talk about the potentials of human consciousness. Many times people simply are not taught this, and thus are not aware of their own inherent potential.

To know that there is more to life than simply making money and having fun can come as a real surprise, especially when money and fun are not demonized so much as simply shown to be somewhat limited in their potential to bring us the joy and energy we seek in life.

It is also a great help to remember that students, especially the young ones who are just leaving high school, represent our future. It is important to honor their potential and healing because how they view the world is going to play a large role in whether we make it as a society or not. The future of civilization is in the hands of the young.

What does it mean to embody a healing presence? It needs “deep listening.” Students need to feel that they are heard and that what they are saying is important to the person teaching the class. I try to do this by repeating what many students say in a short hand way, putting a comment or two up on the board, and connecting with them before or after class. Listening needs to be modeled. I need to demonstrate respect and kindness and let students know that I am really taking in their comments and feedback. I used to do quite a bit of this in writing, but my classes are larger now, and so it is more of a challenge. I will have to continue to work on this area of deep listening. It is one of those things that will be a lifetime project.

Embodying a healing presence means that “students need a sense of safety.” If I want students to share in class and/or with me out of class then they need to feel safe. They need to know that I won’t laugh or put them down and that I am interested. It is also important to create a safe “container” in the classroom itself. It is important that people are respectful of one another and that I keep an eye on this and maintain certain standards.

Embodying a healing presence means that “there is an absence of personal contraction (egoic state)” in myself. Of course this step is never fully completed, but it is a noble aspiration. One of the areas of shadow work in which I am actively involved is trying to not get caught up in the need for approval. I need to keep remembering that the class is not about me, but rather about meeting the needs of the students. It really helps to stay in the body and notice the contractions and fear that arise. To bring mindfulness to this is to become less identified with what others are thinking about me and thus I am freer to think about them!

Embodying a healing presence means that I aim for a “transparency of consciousness.” This means I must practice humility, acceptance, and letting go of attachment to outcomes. This is the place of being able to laugh at myself, using appropriate humor in the classroom, as well as teaching with an open heart. How do I do this? I need to have a “reverence for the wholeness” of my students. One way to do this is “to covey my belief in their potential.” Another way is to not lose hope myself, but to keep reaching for my own potential and to share my journey with students as it is appropriate to do so.

Embodying a healing presence means that I must be an embodied teacher. I must use the body as an aid to presence and paying attention to what is going on in the room. Where is the energy in my body? Where is the energy in my classroom? My classes will be better when I am “relaxed, expansive, light, and grounded in love in the heart space.” This is very much the same thing as teaching from Big Heart. Most of the time this is probably not noticed by students consciously unless they are looking for it. But it seems obvious to me that they will feel the difference on a subtle level when I take the time to bring body practices into my teaching.

Deb asked us an important question: What would make me feel more alive in my work? The answer was obvious: less fear! I want to be more willing to take risks, to make mistakes, to be real. How do I create an environment for this? I need to be open to my body, mind and heart, breathing and letting go of fear. Being vulnerable is key. My openness and love of learning will evoke their love of learning. My letting go of fear will help them let go of fear. I know from my own experience that ¬¬presence evokes presence and that is important to remember.

Looking to the future, what can I hope for? I do believe that the way I teach influences people and thus the future. My state of consciousness and being is joining with all of the other subtle forces out there and it can help things move forward or move backward. I left this conference with the feeling that with my intentions and efforts I can inspire people (as I have been inspired) to take the evolutionary journey (or at least cooperate with it as it is happening anyway!).

Shadow

In the evening of the first day we did shadow work with Diane Hamilton. She is a Zen Master and currently one of my favorite teachers. If anyone reading this is not familiar with her, then I would encourage you to check out her web site http://www.dianemushohamilton.com/ and go to one of her events whenever you can. She is a wonderful model of not only the Integral approach to Zen, but to spirituality and life in general.

Shadow work is the work we do with what is not conscious in us. Some of the ways we get in touch with shadow are to see where we are projecting things onto others and where the emotional charges are in our lives. Why do some people bug us so much? Why do some situations drive us crazy yet leave others unmoved? What do we obsess over? All of these questions lead us to our shadow. It is important to work with shadow because it helps us to not project it so much on our students and classes. It also keeps us growing, and that is essential if we are to model an Integral life.

Diane teaches that shadow work is for the “brave heart.” Most people avoid shadow work because it is unpleasant, and we like to think that we are upset because of what others are doing outside of us rather than what we are doing on the inside to ourselves. Shadow work does not allow us to play the blame game. We have to take responsibility for our own state of consciousness and for our own emotions. Negative emotions hurt and we tend to judge ourselves harshly for having them in the first place – shame – and thus we do not like shadow work!

However, Integral awareness is about learning to bring things into consciousness and take perspectives on them. Anything that arises in our consciousness that we don’t want to deal with is shadow material that we can learn to work with.

The goal of shadow work is not to lose discrimination, but to get rid of the emotional charge so that energy can be clear and flowing. Not getting rid of discrimination means that we don’t have to move from blaming others to taking all of the blame ourselves. Sometimes people really are blowing it. But if we are to deal with the situation in a healthy way, we need to be free of the emotional charge that causes us to attack rather than be helpful and find the skilful means to work things out.

Shadow work is the process of relating to the depths of our humanity and remembering that what we see in others is only possible to see because we also have it in ourselves.

Big Mind

The next day started with another session with Diane Hamilton using the Big Mind process. Big Mind is a combination of meditation and voice dialogue, where the facilitator asks to speak to different voices within the participants. It is a pretty amazing process, especially as you get in touch with your own Big Mind and Big Heart. This session was to follow up on the previous night’s shadow work.

Diane started off by saying that we might not be able to solve the world’s problems, but we could at least love them! This gets back to the whole idea of loving my students. I may not be able to reach all of them. Some of them may be bored by my presentations or have too much else going on in their lives to pay much attention or get much out of one of my classes. But the goal would be for most of them to feel as though I cared about them and their potential.

Diane reminded us that maps, including the Integral map, are not to be taken too seriously or mistaken for the territory, but maps can be very good at illuminating the territory we wish to visit. She reminded us that the ego has gotten a bad name in spiritual circles, but that it is not bad, simply limited. “You are not bad, you are ‘selfing’.” The problem is that we take the selfing project too seriously. After all, the “self-improvement” project is bound to fail as we are all heading toward death, which will quickly end the project that we spend so much time on. “It is such a relief to know I don’t have to be an expert.”

So the egocentric voice is something we need to pay attention to and not let it get out of hand, but we don’t need to fear it or hate it either. Where many of us do get stuck, however, is over issues of our ethnocentric self. Briefly, what is the ethnocentric self? It is the part of us that gets identified with our families, our religions, our groups, our country, and our socioeconomic class. Ethnocentricity is a huge leap up from egocentricity, where we are only concerned with our own perspective and needs, but it is still a limited way of seeing the world. Most Integral practioners seek to be at least worldcentric and as a result there is a lot of repression rather than the advised “transcend and include” process that is so integral (!) to Integral.

We tend to disidentify with this area, but to be masters of our interior we need to own this area too – both the parts that we are proud of as well as those that bring us shame. Without doing so we lose a lot of energy that could be put to much better use. I found this to be an amazing project. I didn’t realize how deeply I had buried this part of myself. I have grown up ashamed of being a white male in many ways. I have felt demonized and blamed for everything bad that has happened in the world.

White men have done some terrible things. This definitely needs to be owned and forgiven so that we (I) can be healthier and not get stuck there. But that is only the shadow side of ethnocentric selves. There is a light side and it was amazing for me to see how difficult this was for everyone to deal with, including me. We cannot work with ethnocentric people if we do not accept and own and take responsibility for this part of ourselves.

So, for what am I most proud of white men (to simply focus on one ethnocentric trait)? We actually focused on many, but I found this one most relevant. At first I was really blank! What could I be proud of as a member of the “white male” group? But with help from Diane, we realized that there was much I am happy to be a part of. My first thought was that Ken Wilber is a white man! And that led me to realize that many of the things I most enjoy about modern society comes out of the freedoms and rights given to all of us by the European Enlightenment, which was mostly a small group of privileged white men.

How do we work with healthy expressions of ethnocentricity? Isn’t it all negative? One example: Thomas Merton makes me proud to have a Catholic background (the Roman Catholic Church being another example of an ethnocentric group). Can I see the goodness in Merton and the goodness in this group? Yes! Obviously the Catholic Church has a miserable history and grave problems, but it also has given me a great love of the contemplative life!

The goal seems to be to look for the vitality in ethnocentric groups and associations and not get lost in a one-sided view of their negative traits. To do that is to let the negativity suck up my energy and let the denial of this part of myself prevent me from being Integral, which is an inclusive position rather than an exclusive one. I want to include more perspectives, not fewer!

When we moved to the worldcentric self, there was almost an audible sigh of relief and a definite change in the energy of the room. It was hilarious and we all laughed because we all noticed it. Most of us at the conference are very comfortable at the worldcentric stance and so Diane did not spend much time there. We were, in fact, running out of time due to having spent so much time working with the ethnocentric self.

Briefly, what is the worldcentric self? It is the part of us that recognizes the shadows and problems of ethnocentricity. It is the part of us that rejects racism, sexism, ageism and every other ism out there. It is the part of us that celebrates diversity and multiculturalism and that enjoys the truths found in all religions. It is the part of me that rejects fundamentalism in favor of mysticism.

So we quickly moved to the kosmoscentric self, the one most closely associated with Big Mind and Big Heart. “The most effective self is the one with no identity.” Big Mind speaks from the spaciousness of oneness, where there are no boundaries. It is the space where everything is already forgiven and unconditionally loved. It is the place of non-duality. It is inclusive. You can identify with all truths just as you can also hold (in paradox) that none of these truths are real! With Big Mind and Big Heart fear is gone and now you are freed to participate fully in life.

Big Heart is the place of endless compassion, where everything can be embraced, including suffering. It is compassion-in-action without becoming a do-gooder. Because as a do-gooder “you acquire another identity, and thus another contraction.”

Big Mind and Big Heart lead ironically to what Zen calls “ordinary mind.” Ordinary mind is the place I can receive reality as it is while at the same time working for positive change. Ordinary mind is the place where I can hold the paradox that “I am perfect as I am and I can use a little improvement at the same time.”

I think I skipped a couple of sessions, but then came one of my favorites, “The Taste of Integral Education” that I have already reported on, so we will move on.

The U Process

The presentation continued with something (I wish I had taken better notes!) called the U Process. Our whole conference was to be an experience of this U Process over five days. To teach and learn with an “open mind, open heart, and open will,” a person needs to move down one side of the U and then up the other side. You start the journey by: 1) taking the time to suspend what you know so that 2) you can see with fresh eyes, 3) sense from the field (get in touch with what is), leading to 4) a process of letting go, and 5) presencing and connecting to a Source at the bottom of the U process. All of this is to help you move up the other side of the U with a new openness. So after connecting to Source and being deeply present, you can 6) let in whatever is now free to arise due to the emptying process of the first part of the U. You then 7) crystallize this by envisioning how it might look so that you can begin to enact and prototype what has arrived with an open mind, heart and will. All of this leads to an educator being able to 9) embody what has been learned and demonstrate it in their lives and in their classes.

We were asked to really live with two questions during our week and see if we could go through the U Process guided by this inquiry: Who is my self? What is my work? I think these are important questions to ask and work with on a daily basis. My wish is to really dive into these questions before I go to work each day, and to then try to touch base with them in my classes. Why am I here? What can I hope for today with these students? How can I join the learning process? How do I follow the interest and pay attention to the energy in the room? In other words, how do I bring mindfulness to my teaching?

The next morning Terry Patten led us through a presentation titled:

Experiencing and Embodying Integral Awareness

Terry mentioned that Integral consciousness and perspectives are truly the next step in the evolution of human consciousness. If this is true, we need to go deeply into the meaning of Integral. Terry talked about how it had to do with both integrity and integrating. How do we live with integrity and how do we integrate information, our lives, wisdom and compassion?

Terry asked us to check ourselves on this and to live in inquiry, because Integral is a new emergent, and therefore it is not possible to be really mature in an integral way. We have to grow into it, and we can only do that as we try to stay conscious and work with shadow material.

We have to stop projecting and own where we are. We have to be free to make mistakes and learn from life. He reminded us that we do our best and then life gives us feedback. We need to take that feedback and integrate it into our next venture, and by doing this continually, we learn to live with integrity. Terry also reminded us that because we live on the edge of evolution we will often experience times of loneliness. I know this is true because I have felt this loneliness.

The beginnings of an Integral community is exciting for me because I am finding people I can converse with who are interested in some of the same ideas and who therefore share a vocabulary with me. One of the reasons why I now start off my classes with an overview of Integral Theory is so that I can answer questions for the rest of the semester from that perspective, among others. Before I brought in this overview I would find myself frustrated by needing to answer a relatively quick question with 15 minutes of minimal background for my answer to make sense. By going over this theory ahead of time, I experience less “loneliness” in the classroom because my students and I share a language.

Terry added that Integral would not be serious until it moves beyond talk and ideas into good works. To do this we need to be inspired, and to be inspired we need a second person relationship with a Source that heals and loves us, completely and unconditionally. Integral teaches that we can have first person, second person and third person relationships with reality, what Ken Wilber calls “the 1-2-3 of God.”

Because Ken himself has a Buddhist background and many Integral thinkers are “allergic” to fundamentalist religion, there has been a tendency to stay away from a second person relationship with a divine source (no matter what people tend to call this source). Terry feels that we need to exercise each of these perspectives, and that only by including the second person, an I-Thou relationship, as Martin Buber called it, can we reach for full inspiration and an integrated life.

Third person spirituality is seen in nature mysticism, what I feel at Point Lobos and Big Sur as well as other beautiful spots on the Monterey Peninsula. First person spirituality is referenced by the Hindu wisdom Brahman is Atman: Thou art That. Second person spirituality is more traditional in the Western world, where the creator and the created have a relationship. Terry was emphasizing the need for the Integral community to not ignore one of these three faces of God. To do so would be to turn away from Integral, which embraces truth in its many forms (as well as in the Formless!).

The next couple of sessions I did not get as much out of, and I was a little disappointed. The session on an “Introduction to Integral Education” by Jonathan Reams basically reminded us that we really don’t know what Integral Education is yet, as it is just emerging. But he did say that it is inclusive and can be modeled by an instructor who is Integral. He said that Integral Education means that we need to develop the skillful means to be of service to people where they are rather than where we think they should be.

Integral Education: An Overview

Integral Education is based on Integral Theory, especially the AQAL model (or map) of human understanding. I have also written an essay on Integral Theory, so I am not going to write much about it in this essay. It is the foundation of this Integral approach to education. Any adequate, let alone superior, attempt to understand education and teaching needs to include at least the quadrants, levels, lines, states and types taught in Integral Philosophy.

One of the most basic components Integral Education is an integrally informed instructor. This is important because I was pleased to see that while there is much I can do to improve my classes; I was already doing many things without even trying too much. This is simply because I have been immersing myself in Integral thought for many years now. I will give some examples below.

What is the role of an educator? There are all sorts of educational theories out there. People get graduate degrees in education, after all! I once heard a monk quote another monk that the essence of education is that “you just love the kids.” I love this quote, not because I think there is no room for more sophisticated theories, but because it gets right to the heart of the matter. Without love there is no serious point to all of the theories because they will ultimately fail. A teacher with the wrong theory but a lot of love will experience far more connection – and thus success – than a teacher who is fluent with the best theory but does not love his/her students or have much passion for their subject.

An integrally informed educator must be full of love for his or her students and for their subject matter. This is obvious and simple, but somehow it often gets lost. This needs to be the foundation of an Integral Education. So one of the most important things I took away from this conference was a renewed inspiration to make sure my life was full of practices that help me be more loving. Without that all of the rest is pretty much a waste of time. So love needs to be the foundation.

Of course the word “love” is not love and it is a tricky thing to define, but at the least it is wish that all beings be free of suffering. Love is a verb rather than a noun. It is a way of being (and teaching in this case) where students know you care about their wellbeing and want them to be successful. An Integral educator marks success, however, not just by a student learning the given material, but also by a student learning to love the process of learning itself, demonstrated by an active engagement with the material.

I consider a class successful when students look forward to coming to class and when they feel that what they are learning is relevant not only to their practical needs, but also to their growth as human beings. Integral Theory teaches that we have a limitless potential to grow and evolve, and Integral Education should help inspire students to reach for the next step in their lives. One sign that this is happening is when students report back that they are talking about what they are learning outside of class with family and friends.

To summarize this brief overview, Integral Education is grounded in love, informed by Integral Theory, and guided by a passionate and integrally informed instructor.

Next I will take a tour of the conference, session by session, to see what questions arise, what can be learned, and perhaps most importantly, what can be practiced. On the first evening we had some icebreakers, which were not too bad (normally, I seriously dislike them!) and then an overview of the conference.

Pure Potential

My notes reflect on the need to dive into pure potentiality. This means that the deeper you go the more you have available. The easiest way to get to this depth and to bring about change is to go to the subtlest awareness possible. This means something has to quiet down in us and one way to do that is to connect with the body, to breathe, to not get lost in our thoughts and shallow emotions.

From this comes the idea that stillness and pure presence are the key to creativity. That a certain level of quiet allows us to connect with our Source, to be open and to listen deeply. How is one to do this while teaching? This is, for me at least, the most difficult thing: to not get lost in the performance of teaching and to try to stay connected to the body when discussing some of the world’s great ideas.

In talking with other teachers at the conference, I learned that many of them have found a way to start class with a minute or two of silence. They do not call this “meditation,” but simply a period of centering to leave everything behind and get focused on what is next. When presented correctly – with “skillful means” – students apparently respond well and love this moment to catch their breath and get ready for class.

Integral Education

What is Integral Education? This is what I went to the Integral Education and Ecology seminar to find out! I came away from this five-day conference with many ideas. It seemed like a good idea to write them down. The conference really came alive for me the day I heard John Gruber give his presentation. I will start there as an introduction, then give an overview of Integral Education, followed by a review of the conference and the themes we learned about.

The Taste of Integral Education

This presentation was great, because the facilitator, John Gruber, both taught and demonstrated what he was teaching at the same time. John started out by saying: “Nothing is harder than being the teacher I want to be.” This made perfect sense to me! And thus, education for an Integral practioner becomes a spiritual practice, an education practice. I love this idea of teaching as a practice, rather than simply a job. It is closely related to the Buddhist idea of Right Livelihood. It is the place I want to be so that my teaching and my writing come from this place of practice, the place of Big Mind and Big Heart.

What does it take to be an Integral educator? It means to live a life of constant inquiry, constant development and constant love. How great this is and also how difficult! Constant growth sounds wonderful until you try it, and then you see that it is work because you can never simply rest on your laurels and be done with it. There is always further to go, deeper to dive, greater awareness to attain and more love to give. But then who would really want to live in a less intense way once you get a feel for this?

What is a core belief of an Integral educator? “Education should be inspiring!” It should help people want to take the journey of awakening. How high can our potential be as well as our students’ potentials? Why put boundaries on where we can go? Why can’t one of our goals each and every day be to launch people into their greatest potential? This is such a great way to start each day! I want to be of service to my students. There are many ordinary ways to do this, such as working with their difficulties, making sure expectations are clear, etc. But what greater way to be of service than to be inspiring and give people a sense of hope that they can reach their potential?

What does Integral Education mean? “Teaching parts and wholes, recognizing development, holding paradox, leaving nothing out; Integrity.” Integral Theory holds that our Kosmos is “holonic.” This means that things are whole in themselves but parts of greater wholes. For example, a cell is whole in itself, but also a part of the body. The body is whole in itself, but part of an ecological reality. To teach parts and wholes is to bring this perspective to everything that we can. How is this related to that? To recognize development is to realize that not only are students at different levels of development, but they have infinite potential to continue growing and learning. To hold paradox is to leave place for deeply questioning things and thinking critically and for oneself. To leave nothing out is to be as inclusive as possible and to include all the perspectives one can, especially the many perspectives of different students in class.

What does Integral Education mean? “Depth of awareness, fullness of engagement, and continuous unfolding.” Yes, I can sign up for this. This is what I wish for my students and myself. Each day brings new opportunities to practice these qualities, to be willing to take risks and to learn from mistakes and successes. Integral Educators strive to leave nothing out! “Integral approaches work to transcend absolutism and bring subtle discernment to unique facets of experience.” Integral educators have to realize that we are all limited to the perspectives we can take and that there is no end to perspectives. This will keep us humble and open and willing to keep the search for meaning and truth alive. One of the things that I love about Integral is that it states that there is such a thing as Truth, but it is a never ending journey rather than an absolute that I can rest on forever. There are always new emergents.

Integral Education celebrates pluralism. This means every perspective is both true and partial. When you live with pluralism you integrate the best of the vast array of different approaches to the things you tackle, whether in the classroom or in life. Pluralism is comfortable with paradox. “Integral Education offers the opportunity to invite deeper inquiry into paradox.” It is a both/and approach rather than an either/or approach to both teaching and everyday life.

What are the characteristics of Integral Education? It is an “education that holds awareness of all that is. It sees education as a key to sustainability and evolution. You educate for joy, for deep listening, for insight, for inspiration. It is an education that develops and expands mindfulness. It is an education for the experience of connection, stillness, and presence.” This could easily be a mission statement of an Integral school. It is inspiring to list these different characteristics.

John Gruber went on to explain that an Integral educator must be engaged in an Integral Life Practice. He said that we need to deepen “the wisdom of self-identity and become increasingly aware of how we show up in our teaching – Being What Is.” We need to bring awareness of the existence of shadow qualities, darkness and blind spots in ourselves and in our institutions. Perhaps most importantly, we need to be integrally informed. When we are integrally informed we simply start coming up with Integral lesson plans, Integral assignments, and Integral dialogues.

“We need to expand both vertically and horizontally.” For me this means I must take a constant interest in my own development and growth as a person as well as an educator. What lies beyond my edges? What risks am I willing to take? What is next for me? But in addition to this vertical growth I must grow horizontally. For me this means to continue to take as much interest in everything as I can. The more I learn and know the more I can relate to people of different backgrounds and the more perspectives I bring to my classes. And of course this means that I keep abreast of things in the Integral world as well as my own subject matter of philosophy and religion. This is a motivation to be a life long learner and to keep learning for as long as I can.

After all of this John took us through an exercise of tasting an apple as well as talking about it. He led us into the mystery of what we can know about apples chemically, biologically, socially, economically, and personally. It was an amazing exercise and a brilliant demonstration of Integral in action. He showed us how little we really know in the first place, and yet at the same time, how much we have learned. He showed us how a simple apple can connect us to the sunlight and the water that helped it grow, to the workers that grew it, picked it, shipped it, displayed in our grocery stores, to the person who bought and brought it home for us. In other words, one simple apple can connect us to the whole world.

This was a powerful exercise that reminds me a good deal of Thich Nhat Hanh’s meditation on apples. When we go deeply into anything we find everything. That is Integral and it is this fascination and mystery we can learn to bring into every lesson we teach!

We talked about our growing edges. One of mine is becoming more comfortable and skilled in doing group exercises. I want to learn how to push people past their comfort zone without pushing them away. Edges are not easy places to live. “Edges can be jagged…edges call us forward to our potential, to what could be…”

John left us with four final thoughts: “1. Know my context intimately, 2. Maintain and deepen my personal practice as a shared space with my students, 3. Inquire ceaselessly – what is changing, what is working, what can I improve? Finally, 4. Be an open space for what wants to arise in me – emptying and being in relationship to a higher purpose.”

I left this presentation feeling that this was the day that the conference came together for me. I was very inspired! This was probably my favorite conference session next to Diane Hamilton’s sessions, which are usually my favorite ones and continued to be this time as well. This session gives a good introduction to what this conference was about and some of the main themes I learned about. Now I want to go back and give an overview of Integral Education and then journey through the conference from beginning to end.

I incorporate various spiritual practices into my life for any number of reasons. So the first important point is that there is no one reason to practice that I can think of. However, there are two general reasons not to practice. First, from the side of the cynics and skeptics, spiritual practice is a waste of time. Second, from the point of non-dual realization, there is nothing to practice. Everything is already accomplished. There is nowhere to go and nothing to do.

There might be a time and place to address the skeptical view, but this does not interest me just now. Needless to say, I relate to the non-dual perspective. So if there is nothing for me to do, and nowhere for me to go, then why do I act (practice) as if there is? Ultimately, that is a good question and reminds me of the Zen story that spiritual practice is nothing less than “selling water by the river.” There is no need to buy a bottle of water when you have access to the whole river!

And yet my life is filled with practices, organized under the understanding promoted by Integral Philosophy called an Integral Life Practice. I guess I practice simply because I believe the idea that you must practice until you know for yourself that practice is not necessary. In other words, the non-dual realization is not my abiding state and therefore it is really a belief rather than an experiential knowing. It sounds good to me, but in my everyday reality, practice seems necessary.

Practice is necessary for a number of reasons, but probably the most important reason is that it seems obvious to me that I am not able to live the truths I believe in. For example, I believe that the fundamental energy of this universe and the basis of all reality can be experienced as love. Therefore, loving is the primal purpose of every person, myself included, even as it takes its unique manifestation in myriad different ways. I believe this, but I am unable to live it. That is why I practice!

Those who can “walk the talk” always impress me. It is my privilege (and my occupational hazard) that I get to teach some of the greatest ideas this world has to offer. In the process these ideas take my measure and I see that I often fall short. I believe in forgiveness, but I see how difficult it is for me to let go of things. I believe in loving my neighbor as myself, but I see the difficulty I have in loving both my neighbor and myself. I believe in mindfulness and meditation, and I see how distracted I am and how little attention I bring to my life. So I practice.

I also practice because I do not think that very many of the things that are worthwhile in this world just happen. Even naturally gifted musicians usually spend many years learning and practicing their art.

We must practice anything that we want to be successful at. I could even argue that we practice the things we don’t want, thus making them a big part of our lives. For example, I think much of my negativity is simply a habit of thought I developed when I was very young. In other words, I practiced being negative and now I must practice being positive so that I can overcome these habits of thought that no longer serve me.

I also practice because it gives me a certain peace of mind. I want a life of joy and serenity, and from what I can tell, no one gets such a life without working for it! I want a life filled with wisdom and compassion, but these are attributes that one must actively engage. Just as you don’t lose weight by eating too much, or get in shape by watching exercise videos, so you must practice living the qualities you wish to embody. At least that is the way it works for me.

I also practice at this point in my life because I see that it works. My life sometimes seems to take steps backward rather than forward, but I can say with some confidence now that my life is much better than it used to be. There are many reasons for this – grace comes to mind – but I know it is also because I have actively tried to work on myself and learn to replace negative attributes with more positive qualities. In other words, practice for me has an inbuilt positive reinforcement cycle. I practice because it works. I practice because I feel better when I practice and I don’t like how I feel when my practices do not remain the center of my life.

I also practice because those I admire practice. Everyone I look up to takes practice very seriously. Even those I consider awakened seem to never stop practicing. This is one reason why I like to be around them and this is one of the reasons why going on retreats with them, going to workshops led by them, and other such gatherings is so important. Being around people who take practice seriously is one of my great inspirations. I need this. Without such inspiration and modeling I find myself feeling discouraged.

Having written all of this, I must admit that I think there is much more grace in life than grit. Just as you can’t make a plant grow – it simply grows on its own – so you cannot make a spiritual life or manipulate the gods into giving you what you want, whether that is wealth or wisdom. I have learned the hard way that I am not in control. If I am a plant, then I must let nature run its course. I think a real danger of spiritual practioners is the idea that we can make ourselves develop faster by manipulating things. But there is no evidence for this. But there is something to be said for giving a plant the optimal conditions for developing. You can place that plant in the sunlight and make sure it has water. Spiritual practice is like that for me. It is taking the “plant” of my life and making sure it is not shut up in a dark basement where it is likely to wither and die. Spiritual practice is giving my life sunlight and water.

There are lots of reasons to practice, but in order to bring this to an end, I think the last reason I will focus on is that practice seems to be important not simply for myself, but for all of us, and indeed the world. Our problems, both personal and interpersonal, are many and varied, but they can often be broken down into a lack of consciousness. The contemplative view of the world teaches that we are all connected. If this is true than anything I do to increase my own awareness and consciousness helps all of us, and likewise, anything others do in this regard helps me as well. I know that I am influenced by the energies that surround me. Negative energy drains me and positive energy inspires me. My spiritual practice is one way to serve the world. It is one way of promoting love and peace in a world that desperately needs such qualities.

What is the contemplative life? Well it can be described in many ways, but certainly it is a life leaning toward practices rather than theories. It is a life that is lived fully and deeply, rather than superficially and distractedly. So a contemplative must find and practice ways of life that foster mindfulness and presence. In that spirit I thought it might be helpful to occasionally write about practices I find especially helpful in my contemplative journey.

One practice that has definitely changed my life pretty dramatically is called the Welcoming Prayer or the Welcoming Practice (depending on one’s theistic orientation). This practice I have known about for many years, but for some reason I have never connected with it until last Christmas. It is a practice of acceptance and surrender and it jumped into my life while on silent retreat at the Camaldolese monastery in Big Sur over the holidays. If you want detailed information please go to: http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org Once there you can click on Welcoming Prayer.

But this is my simple version: According to Thomas Keating’s teaching, when we are little we have three emotional centers, security, affection, and power that get activated. Even in the best of circumstances it is difficult for each center to function in as healthy a way as possible. For most of us, circumstances being what they are, these centers tend to take over our unconscious life and lead to a great deal of misery. The whole Centering Prayer practice, which I will have to write about another time, is suppose to play a significant role in healing the unconscious and allowing us to use the energy that is misplaced in emotional programs that can never work, for spiritual growth, evolution, and service.

The fact that this healing is possible and demonstrated in the lives of many people is very exciting to me! The Welcoming Prayer is an additional practice we can bring into our lives to foster this healing and the proper use of our energy. Very simply: when you notice any emotional discomfort, very minor (slight irritation) to more serious (anger and depression), you go through this process. First, you locate it in the body. That means you have to pay attention to the sensations in the body and locate whatever might be arising.

Is your stomach upset? Are your shoulders tight? Is your jaw tensed up? Simply follow the sensations in your body and see what is going on. This is an especially rich practice for those of us who love ideas. The occupational hazard of intellectuals is that we can get lost in our heads. So simply the practice of coming down into the body is itself a growth in awareness and a powerful work of attention and mindfulness.

There is no need to change anything and this is certainly no time for judging oneself.  One simply notices. If you have some time, such as when you are meditating, then you can prolong this process for as long as seems necessary. But you can also move quickly if circumstances warrant it.  Once you have located the sensation in the body you simply say to yourself “Welcome.”

Then you move into your emotional reactions. Eventually it becomes easier to see which emotional center is being triggered, but you can always touch base with all three of them. You say something simple like: “I let go of the desire for security and survival; welcome.” You do the same with each center: “I let go of the desire for affection, esteem, and approval; welcome.” “I let go of the desire for power and control; welcome.”

In other words, you simply acknowledge which energy centers are being triggered. Again, the magic is that you don’t try to change how you feel. You simply notice and welcome and the awareness itself works to lessen the intensity of the discomfort and sometimes removes it completely, at least for a while. With more intense emotions you need to come back and repeat the exercise over and over. But then that is what is meant by the word “practice!”

Finally, the real clincher comes at the end of the practice! Your last release goes like this: “I let go of the desire to change any person, place, thing or situation, including my own commentary and feelings; welcome.” In other words, you intend to move into acceptance and stop resisting whatever is going on.

This does not mean that you do not take constructive action if you can. But we get out of the emotional reactions that usually interfere with any constructive action we might take in the first place! The contemplative life is a life of presence. This practice helps us get out of resistance and into acceptance. This is a manifestation of presence.

It may or may not be a practice you take to. I know I didn’t relate to it for a long time myself. I think different things work at different times. But I also know that for me it has been a breakthrough practice because I have struggled with resistance for most of my life, and this has been a powerful tool to move into acceptance of what is, or as Byron Katie teaches, “loving what is.”